I am not sure how to begin to express this, but let me try. As an attuned reader—not someone who rushes through to get to the main point—you can help me.
If you are at all familiar with Christian teachings, you will have heard, “Thy will be done” (Matthew 6: 9-13), Or some variation on that. The only prayer Jesus ever taught contained those words. And I am certain that generations of devout people have struggled to understand those words, to live by them. What I have found is it isn’t something that you think about or resolve to do; it’s something that comes upon you.
“What happens to me is none of my business” is related but not exactly the same.
In the Buddhist tradition, there is the virtue, the perfection (pāramī or pāramitā), of equanimity, which appears in many teachings. Generally, it means not to be too happy or too sad about anything. Perhaps “accept everything with grace” is a way I might phrase it.
Again, my formulation is similar but not quite the same.
So, what do I mean?
When I go out in the morning to feed the horse and pick up manure, I feel happy. The morning air is relatively fresh (even in late summer). It is quiet. The early morning sun casts long shadows. My body is moving and efficient. The dew hasn’t yet evaporated. And the horse is always keen for his breakfast. All is well. And, it is none of my business.
I work during the day, moving about and using my body in familiar and unfamiliar ways. By bedtime, I am fatigued. Certain parts of this old body feel the impact of the day’s activities. It’s none of my business.
Are you getting a feel for this? It isn’t quite, “Let go and let God.” And it isn’t quite right to say “disinterested” or “neutral.”
Perhaps what I am pointing to is that this is not a state of mind, not a position one takes. And it isn’t about the fruits of karma. It isn’t saying, “Well, I acted this way, so I am getting this in return.”
It’s more like, “Yes, I see all this. I am at ease in the morning in the pasture, and sometimes at night, I am sore and cranky. None of that has anything to do with me.”
And who is “me”? There, my beloved, we approach the crux of the matter. Who is speaking? for whom is this none of their business? Having written all this, I think I know. It wasn’t my intention to make this a cliffhanger, but I think it will have to be…for now.
You have graced me with your patience and presence. Whether I know you or not, the presence you have offered has made a difference. Perhaps I have opened an inquiry for you. I hope so. Perhaps you feel some resonance with, “What happens to me is none of my business.” Or perhaps you simply feel confused or frustrated. There’s no correct response. There’s only your own, genuine, undeniable experience. Sacred. Holy. Unique. And to that, I bow.